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Act II
(Still Purformed in Americun!)

Original Les Misérables By Alain Boublil and Claude-Michel Schönberg
Original Lyrics by Herbert Kretzmer

This non commercial interpretation and all lyrics in satire and parody

© 2003 by William P Cary

Act II - The Marble Revolution

Bring Him Luck

Alfalfa Valjean is with Jackie Marius and Spanky Enroljas in the Klubhouse.

They are attempting to prepare Butch's victim for his destiny.

Even the most meager sacrifice must be prepared correctly...

One has to meet doom with finesse!

Spanky Enjolras
Hear my cry
Hear my plea
Alfie needs
One good punch in the ring

He is thin
He is frail
He needs help
A paid off ref
Bring him luck
Bring him luck
Bring him luck

He needs a left hook or a rush
He's got no speed, his knees are mush
Life goes on
Though marbles are gone
And Butch
Demands more 'n more
I'm getting old
No marbles left

In this lodge
Bring him luck
Help him dodge
Give him a real fast duck

Parry, thrust
Parry, jab
Let him hit
Help him live
If Butch thrives,
Let Alf survive
Our last hope
Bring him luck
Bring him luck
Bring him luck

Dawn of Anguish

Jackie Marius and Alfalfa Valjean stay in the Klubhouse. Alfalfa Valjean is shadow boxing in effort to bolster his confidence.

The shadow is easily winning the first match.

Spanky Enjolras returns to the barricade to find the Sentries screaming orders to the gang.

They've spotted Butch's troops advancing for a second attack!

Spanky Enjolras
Butch's plans have not been halted
His boxing match offer a clever ruse!
His bold scheme cannot be falted.
Yet Alfalfa ain't gonna loose.
Bring on the pies!
Keep an ear to the ground,
Keep an eye on the skies!
Drink with me to peace gone by
We had marbles plenty, nothing was wrong
Now I'm asking can't we all just get along

Stymie gets a negative answer as he is struck by "friendly fire."

Woim has broken through the barricade walls.
He hurls a pie at Spanky Enjolras at point blank range
just as Stymie is turning his head.

Woim is then hit by three swift pies before he signals his death.

He jumps from the barricade and returns across the Burbank Rivulet.

Porky :
The Gatekeeper

'Bout time thomebody elth ova heah died.

Two at onceth Buckwheat!
I get cwedit fo' Stymie.
He'th on Butch'th thide!

Well, I ain't payin' for this death, Porky.
I got killed three times.
That ain't fair!

The Second Attack

The battle renews itself as Butch's men
make a mad dash towards the barricade.

Most of the men have two pies, one in each hand.
Some have their kid brothers follow them with more ammunition.

More than one little brother trips while running with their pie,
removing a pie from Butch's arsenal and giving one more of
Spanky's men a chance.

Porky eagerly counts each new "dearly departed" as the little kids
face their own pies.

Spanky Enjolras
How do we stand, Froggy? Make your report.
We've pies plenty,
but we're runnin' outta men!
If they attack ag'in, they'll surely kill us all!
Oh, the humanity!
I think I'll go read a book...
at the library...
with my cousin Barbie...
in Malibu...

See ya' round gang!

Breezy Joly
Let me go scrounge the streets
There are dearly departed all around
I can hide behind them
See where Butch can be found!
Spanky Enjolras
I won't let you go, it's too much of a chance!
It's a suicide mission...
Johnny : The Sentry
I'll go for you, Spanky.
I wanna help!
I can do it!
Honest! Just give me the chance...
Please, pretty PLEASE
With sugar on top!

Now, what is it you want me to do?

Let me go!
He's got too much on his mind!
He's got enough already to think about...
I am ready to die! I have nothing to fear!
I'll gladly face the pie!
I'll get Butch! I promise!
Right gang?!!!
Waldo Gavroche
No! You need someone with
quicker wits and I volunteer!
Situations like this are what
intellektuals are for!

Waldo Gavroche climbs down the barricade.
He hits the ground and turns just in time to stare
Jerry and Leonard directly in the face!

Suddenly, Waldo's world is snowy white!

Come back Waldo Gavroche,
don't you dare!
Breezy Joly
Somebody stop him at once!
Waldo Gavroche
Too late guys. I'm dead.
Oooohhh! I've made it to purgatory!
Now, how could that have happened?
You must be my guardian angels!
Imagine that!
My demise happened so fast!
Painless and tastey too!

Who's got my halo and wings?

Both Jerry and Leonard plop their remaining pies on Waldo's head.
They give a nod of approval then return across the Burbank Rivulet.

Butch Javert reappears near the barricade.
He's wearing boxing trunks and gloves.

Butch Javert
Everybody on both gangs listen up!

Center ring, my place.
Five minutes, no pies. Just had the Klub cleaned.

Alfalfa Valjean wants to win control!
I'll show him!

You mugs better all be there!

And you better have plenty of marbles ready!
You owe me big time!

The Final Battle

Both gangs assemble themselves for Alfalfa Valjean's last stand...
The square ring... conveniently built next to Butch's Klubhouse.
Spanky's men sit on the left, Butch's men on the right.

Both gangs eye each other suspiciously.

Tension fills the atmosphere as Butch Javert and Alfalfa Valjean enter the ring.

The match is to be officiated by Porky, paid a dime for each completed round...

Butch Javert
You in the gallery listen to this
Beautiful Burbank sleeps well, I'm happily in control
You better get used to the laugh in you see.

Alfalfa Valjean are you ready to go?

Alfalfa Valjean
You're darn tootin', Butch Javert!
It's sock it to me time!
Wait a minute... I mean, sock it to you!
Spanky Enjolras
Here comes the judge,
Porky's ready to go!
Alfalfa will win, just look at his pose...
Breezy Joly
Ring the bell, Dan and Dick...
Alfie, cover your nose!
Spanky Enjolras
Let Alfalfa rise
To make our case
Win back our marbles...
Set us Butch free!

Porky calls both men to the center of the ring.
The solemnity of the moment quietens the crowd.
Silence erupts throughout the Klubhouse as both fighters attempt intimidation.

Already, Alfalfa is losing the match on a technicality.

Both men circle round and round, causing Porky to spin like a top!

He steps to the side and swoons as Dan and Dick ring their bell.

The kids let our a roar as the final battle begins!

Butch In Control

Buckwheat is picking through the battle remains at the barricade.

He's amazed at what he is able to find littering the ground.

Petie the pup is contentedly licking all the meringue he finds.

Buckwheat -
The Injineer

Here's a silver coin
Lost at the barricade
May have been his only one
But now it's mine, hoo-ray!
Worth a look and worth my time,
Thanks to all that pie
Thanks to all that pie
Here around the barricade
The price of living well
I'm used to searching for what fell.

Well someone's got to clean it up, my friends
Burbank's got to stay beautiful
At least for thirty more years
Someone's got to collect their odds and ends
As a service to the town!

In the square ring
Boxing's Butch's thing
Don't too quickly waste Alf
That would really be a crime
Take your time Butch, I'm in your debt
Here's another toy
A marble from a boy
He prob'ly doesn't miss it now
And he's got only the match in mind
But Butch's demands can't now be met!

Well someone's got to clean it up, my friends
Burbank's got to stay beautiful
At least for thirty more years
Someone's got to collect their odds and ends
As a service to the town!

This is a town where Butch has control
Where Butch controls, there's no fear in the street
The teachers and parents
They don't interfere
'Cause they're too scared they'll face their defeat
I drop my eyes from the heavens
The view ahead becomes profound
The view ahead is profound!

Set - Match - Game

In the square ring,
Butch's menacing pose strikes fear into Alfalfa's soul.
Alfalfa Valjean quivers as his legs gel and congeal.
He begins swinging violently in Butch's direction.

Butch Javert extends a gloved fist towards Alfalfa.
He holds Alfalfa in place and yawns.

The crowd screams for more!

Alfalfa Valjean
Butch Javert!
Can't we just talk this over?
I w-w-wouldn't want to have to hurt you!
No reason to fight...
You can just keep all those marbles...

I've taken up tiddly-winks these days!

Butch Javert
I warned you I would not give in
I won't be swayed
You owe me more
I will be paid!
Alfalfa Valjean
You got all we can get
They're already yours
You've already been paid.
Butch Javert
You owe again. You owe each day.
Payments from last week won't save you today!
Alfalfa Valjean
What on earth do you want with all them marbles?
Look Butch Javert
There's a limit to what you can save
Hey, Butch Javert
Only so many marbles you can play.
Butch Javert
Alfalfa Valjean,
You don't have any idea!
I'm the kid with all the marbles

Me! I own them all! They're MINE!
And you ain't getting them back without a price!

Butch Javert begins pummeling Alfalfa Valjean.
The crowd grows still as the last defender of freedom
takes a grand punishment. Each kid is stunned
as they witness Butch's brute strength.

Alfalfa takes a final, desparate swing at Butch.
The blow connects to Butch's right jaw.

He falls to the canvas unconscious.

The crowd is silent. No one has ever seen Butch fall.

Porky announces Alfalfa Valjean the winner as Woim
pours a glass of water on Butch's brow.

Buckwheat arrives in time to demand eight cents for the water.

Butch Javert's Confession

Spanky checks on Alfalfa Valjean,
forcing him to take a corner and sit down.
Jackie Marius buys water for Alfalfa Valjean.
He helps Alfalfa take off his gloves.
A horseshoe magnet slides from each.
Spanky palms them quickly into his pocket.

Butch Javert
Who is this mug?
What sort of monster is he
I had him caught in a snare
And he wriggled free?
It was my hour at last
To put a seal on his fate
Wipe out his wrong win
And wash clean my slate!
All it would take
Was a flick of my wrist.
Good-bye Alfalfa Valjean
Adios, Mr. Twist!

I will not live with a loss to a thief!
I will not yield and give up the marble race!
I am Butch's Law, my Law is not mocked
I don't want pity, for today's disgrace
But the cause for his win must be there
The winner must always be
Butch "Tommy" Javert!

Butch Javert is lead to a stool where he is ordered to confess.

Spanky begins the interrogation.

Spanky Enjolras
Okay Butch! Now tell us.
What are you doin' with all those marbles anyhow?

Butch Javert grins. There is a renewal of a gleam in his eyes.
He knows that even now, he still controls the gang.

Both gangs.

In the face of seeming defeat, he has triumphed again.

Nothing has changed... no matter what Spanky thinks at the moment.

He thinks over the situation... and spills the beans!

Butch Javert
My dad has been teachin' me about his business, see...
He wants me to follow in his footsteps and take over
when I get older.

Been doin' what he's taught me. It's workin' out well.
Got a good future in it, too...
You guys will be paying me forever...

Alfalfa Valjean
Tell us about it or I'll get ya' ag 'in, Butch Javert!
Spanky Enjolras, you better hold me back...
Sometimes I don't know my own strength!
Butch Javert
As I was sayin'...
My dad has been teachin' me his business.
He charges people fees, makes up the rates himself!
Every so often, he re-invents the sale.
A few words on paper brings even more money.
All without payin' anything out!

Says you just have to develop a loyal clientele base...
Says to start young... grow with the community
Become a part of that growth...

That's what I've done!
You all are now used to paying me marbles.
Won't be long till you're used to payin' me cash!

Spanky Enjolras
Cash for what?
We're all broke and you don't have anything to sell!

'Cept all them marbles...

Alfalfa Valjean
What did you do with all them marbles?
You can't just hide 'em in a box...
Butch Javert
They're hidden alright.
I invested them in the future.
Their value will only increase as the days pass.

I used them to stuff teddy bears!

I call them "Spherie Babies".

Their value can only go up as
I change styles and colors every two months.
I put a dated tag on each one.
All I gotta do is tell people how
lucky they are to find one of this pattern.
The saps buy em fast!
Then I "retire" the pattern. What a jip!
Makes the whole lot worth infinately more!
Mark my words, I'm gonna be rich!

What a great country!
A place where you can sell glass marbles as pets!

What next? Pet rocks... beans? !

But that's for later.
Right now, I'm still plannin' to work with my dad!

Spanky Enjolras
Doin' what?
Butch Javert
Insurance... selling insurance, Spanky!
All of you are gonna need coverage...
Fire, flood, life, health, auto.

I'll sell it all to all of you.


Kinda gives you goose bumps thinkin' 'bout it, don't it!

Spanky Enjolras and his gang turn in disbelief. They leave the ringside and retreat to the sanctity of their Klubhouse.

Spanky Enjolras hands the two horseshoe magnets to Alfalfa Valjean.

Alfalfa Valjean
Guess I ought to give these
back to Mrs. Crabtree.
I put 'em in my gloves for luck,
but it didn't work.

Empty Purses, Empty Wallets

Jackie Marius enters the Klubhouse alone.
Contemplating the day's events, he dreams of Darla Cosette.

For a magical moment, he envisions her on the stage.
For another magical moment, she is sitting beside him, holding his hand.

She walks silently onto the stage as he begins singing aloud.

Jackie Marius
Butch's ties cannot be severed
His control goes on and on
Empty purses, empty wallets
All the gang is tired and gone

Marble talk of revolution
Our bold talk of how one day
Butch's reign would soon be vanquished
Butch's overthrow never came

In the square ring with Alfalfa
We hoped for innocence reborn
We struck out with voices singing
I miss both good and bad days now...
The ideals for which they cried
Squished by meringue of pie...
On the barricade and then the ring

Darla Cosette, please just forgive me
That Butch's reign continues on
Though I don't feel I've been cheated
The sense of deep despair lives on...

Sixteen tons of shiney marbles
Sixteen tons, what do I get?
Just to feel a little older
A little deeper down in debt

Darla Cosette sits beside Jackie Marius.
She takes his hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze.

She silently smiles...

All is well in Jackie Marius' world once again.

Jackie Marius
Darla Cosette, you came back to me...
Thought I'd never see you anymore
I've empty purse and empty wallet...
Being with you matters more

Well my friends, hey gang, just ask me
What's the moral of the day?
Win the game, keep only marbles...
Win her heart, keep the whole game...

Spherie Babies at the Feast

Burbank, California - Easter Sunday 1940

Buckwheat and Porky attend an egg hunt dressed in brand new suits, highly polished shoes, and neatly combed hair.
They are dressed as immaculate young well-to-do gentlemen.

Porky has outgrown his speech impediment.

Butch Javert gives each kid a free"Spherie Baby" then tells
them to keep it wrapped, boxed, and clean, as it is valuable.
Some listen and follow his directions.
Those who play with their gift and enjoy it as a toy
make Butch Javert smile broadest.
He knows the value of each series increases with rarity.
His wealth escalates each time he gives away one of his "Spherie Babies."
He's widely known as the "Burbank Santa"

By the time he is eighteen, his insurance dreams will be far behind him.
He'll own a marble factory.
Spanky Enjolras and Alfalfa Valjean will be his
well compensated and loyal production foremen.

Buckwheat -
The Injineer

Can't you just laugh?
Ain't this too neat?
The spiffiest togs
New shoes on our feet!
Here comes Breezy
His clothes look used.
Wheezer's hand-me-downs
Generations from new...
Burbank as I please
Burbank in my purse
And here's me at the egg hunt
My new look is plush!

Dazzling Injineer!
Conducting the whole house!
Man the finer life
Is worth any price
Everyone I know
From the teacher to the thief
Doing what is needed
And on a bended knee!
Working overtime for some day
Scroungin' for a coin to spend...

Buckwheat & Porky
We bought into "Spherie Babies" early
Sell at profit when the trend sets in!
Nickle for a dance
Eight cents for a cup
Do anything you can
Just to make the buck!
Conductors of the land
Injineer our own share
Butch can have complete control
We still hang in there!
Learning to fly as the tide is turning
With money we're comfortably numb.
Time to breathe, speak to me
A great day for freedom on the run!

Porky spots an egg hidden under a bush.
He takes off running and successfully grabs his inner child at the egg's touch.
The suitcoat, tie, and vest fall to the ground in a pile.
Porky runs off barefooted to hunt with the other kids.

Buckwheat shrugs his shoulders and joins in!


The gangs have combined forces on Darla Cosette's behalf.
They are staging a show in the Klubhouse...
Captain Spanky's Show Boat
The musical review stars Darla Cosette, as Scartlett O'Hara.
Alfalfa Valjean and Jackie Marius share in her intense pride.
Mary Ann Fantine shares in her royalties.

Shirley Eponine would have been jealous
if she hadn't already landed the job as a model for Sears' catalogue.

She had finally been noticed by someone,
but no one in the gang ever knew...

Did you hear the people sing
Singing the song of great content?
It was the music of a people
Who once were and are again.

They were great, their name in lights
On the marquee bold and bright
Our gang of little rascals cheer
Yeah, they spelled it right!

They will live again forever
Rolling on in celluloid.
They will live on in video tapes,
With web links unbroken
The rascals have mastered the NET!

Will you join in our crusade?
Who will be strong and stand with me?
Somewhere beyond the barricade
Is there a world you long to see?
Do you hear the people sing?
Say, do you hear the distant drums?
It is the future that they bring
When tomorrow comes!

Will you join in our crusade?
Who will be strong and stand with me?
Somewhere beyond the barricade
Is there a world you long to see?
Do you hear the people sing?
Say, do you hear the distant drums?
It is the future that they bring
When tomorrow comes...
Tomorrow comes!

The curtain closes...


~ Now, On With The Show! ~

  • The Les Misérables logo © 1986-2003 CMOL.
  • English Lyrics © 1985-2003 Alain Boublil Music, Ltd.
  • This page has no affiliation with any of the above organizations.
  • Original Les Misérascals lyrics © 2003 William P Cary

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Last modified May 17, 2003

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